She

She blinds my eyes

And pulls me down into

The fathomless depths

Where mercy has no reach

And cannot hold.

She turns love into

An unattainable cure

She buries hope and faith

As if they were deadly

For they take her power.

She is a child

Greedy for more

Although I've given her

My all.

As she haunts

And overpowers me

I can only wait in pain

Until the fever breaks

And she goes back to

Whatever hell she comes from.

August 2013

I'll Tell You When I'm Fucking Yelling

Giving me the cold shoulder
Like I'm kicking 

your fucking 

door down

screaming for attention.
I only wanted to see more 

of what I thought I saw before
What is with your fucking apprehension?
I only wanted to know your soul.


Withholding your heart from me
When it was so open before 

to my curious and loving touch
But now I sit here at a loss 

for what have I done?
Is this what you give to 

the one you love "so much?"
I only ask for what I give


Where did your heart go?
It was right in my hands not more than a second ago, I swear
Is that something you just misplace in a moment?
Is it so much to ask to just let me know?
I only wanted to love you 

I only want to love you now.


written on a bus in Texas November 2012

I Think She's There, In the Woods

Caps lock and repeated consonants

Sounds so 

much 

more 

romantic 

than what they’re for. 

I'm writing a soundtrack 

for the passage of time 

and you're still in love 

with the cellar door.

I watched you slip down through

I know you won't be coming up for air

You're tumbling 

round 

and 

round 

inside that head 

as I sit wondering 

if you still care.

I'll blame myself if you let me 

and I know that you will.

The fault has never been yours 

and you're just here for the thrill.

And there was 

someone 

in 

here
once 

and I can't find her anymore. 

I think she slipped out the back 

and she's somewhere waiting

to be found

For you to look for...

The innocence she once wore in her smile

She whispered words 

but they were caught 

in the currents of your own grand scheme. 

She knows better 

than 

to 

think 

she deserves a second thought;

Love is a mere pipe dream.

And there she'll sit

calmly staring

unafraid. 

She never knew what safety was 

or what it was for

but a concept she'd seen 

in the old scattered pages 

of a life she imagines

exists.

Just not for her.


written on a bus in Texas November 2012

Hello

I'm passing through your city 

and I want you to know that I love you.
I can see your struggle 

and I want you to know I'm thinking of you.

You know it's not 

where we've been

or where we're going 

that makes us.
It's the resilience within

the courage we pull out 

on the road that saves us.

It's not always easy 

watching everyone pass by

their eyes to the open sky
When you're still down there 

wondering, 

"Oh god, how can I even get by?"

Is there anyone out there

Please someone tell me am I really alone?
Is it safe to come out now? 

Please 

someone see 

I can't do this on my own.

Well my whispers are coming out 

screaming and raging and breaking
And the people I need here

I'm scaring them with all of my shaking."

I could expand 

my dear friend 

and I'd love to

But the path can't be yours if you map it
Just please remember 

that I'm here with you 

even if I can't understand what's happened.


written on a bus in Texas November 2012

bitchbitchbitch

Is this hole I'm digging for myself?
Is this what I get for trying to help?
Is it really worth my time to cave in?
Is it worth running the race I won't win?

I promise that I'll waste your time and mine
Every uttered whisper is a muted whine
I just can't live and let live
Unwillingness to forget and forgive

Can't I just let sleeping dogs lie?
Can't I just let this dead horse die?
The simple truth is no
Something won't let me just let go

The disappointment settles in my chest
Something keeps me from conveying the rest
The words tumble in my head
Once they slip off my tongue they're already dead.


June 2007

God Never Said Get Your Claws Out

Excess has never ignited anything
But fear and loathing, overwhelming
I find solitude in moderation
Take a breather, take vacation

The best ideas seldom come at once
The best words formed first in bones
The best gifts are hidden in words
The worst words delivered to the world

Perhaps my depth is not as deep as yours
Maybe the real test is our acceptance
If there's a god, how does he measure success?
When he made us, what did he expect?

Oh, and he saw fit to destroy the masses

Resilient as we are we reconvened
Once we realized we could reconceive
To whose great altar are we all to pray?
What is true salvation in this day and age?

Are we all fit to be jury and judge?
Have we lost sight of what it is to love?
God called for differences between you and me
Is it our mission to condemn when we disagree?

When the pieces fall together what does the message spell?
Who decided it was up to any of us to tell?
Did God tell you to your face you had the right to understand?
I think you have suggestion confused with demand

Perhaps my depth is not as deep as yours
Maybe the real test is our acceptance
If there's a god, how does he measure success?
When he made us, what did he expect?

Oh, and he saw fit to love the masses

January 2008